If ever there were a word which wore the coat of innocence well it would be ‘should’.
That 6 lettered lamb we so often use to alleviate our uncertainty by voicing out loud ” Should I stay or should I go?”. We could ask it to ourselves, a friend or a higher power. Though are we asking for help or an accomplice to our own indecision? That would only be a question we ourselves could answer.
If we look longer we’ll spot another type of should. The sort we might see could be voicing our hunger politely by saying “Should we eat?” simply translated “I am hungry and I would like to eat” with the kindly invitation that asks “.. would you like to eat together?”. The should with which we search for a consensus with someone.
Now let our gaze drift amongst all these cloudy ‘shoulds’ and see if we can spot a more devious. Do you should have seen it by now, there it is, right there.
The ‘should’ which we place upon the head of someone else. From the most well meaning “You should do this, that or the other thing.” To the proverbial “Go f*ck yourself” we leave no room for dialogue. We have stated our case, made up our mind for someone else, and in turn denied them their perspective and motivations.
We could say “Have you considered painting your house another shade?” Perhaps we dislike their tastes and the statement is charged all the same, but through asking the question we keep the door open for a deeper understanding.
Maybe I’m over thinking a simple word, the nature of language is fluid and ever changing from the individual and the culture around them. Perhaps the nuance goes deeper still. One person’s should’s could be merely benign statements, excited expulsions, an open call for connection. The receivers interpretation a deeply personal experience all based on context.
Suppose there in lies a more complicated essay, one in which we could dissect the question of each person’s experience of reality being wholly their own. Postulate on language, form and expression being incomplete communications from which we derive a communal understanding. The paint we use to create the simulacrum portraits in our minds gallery.
Perhaps it’s a fools errand to set out to reach for perfect portraits, searching for rhyme and reason in imperfect language and symbolic gestures. The act of just being, accepting what is without speaking is a noble goal. Though I would argue without acknowledging the fickle nature of our own assumptions we in turn alienate another with the strokes of our presumptions.
I could postulate for hours on why I despise being told “You should…”
If I were to speculate in summary, I dislike the loss of my autonomy, the denial of further conversation on my motives and contemplations. If the intent was to stimulate new directions or a check of social consensus through subtext, I am would say be less covert. There’s easier ways than the cloak and dagger use of this word.
And so I finish my manifesto on why I dislike the this stupid phrase.